Wow. What a year. Not only just for me, but the world. I tried watching highlight videos of 2017 events, and while they tried to have 50/50 happy/sad events, it was still overwhelming. I myself didn't have the best year. Don't get me wrong, I have happy moments too, but overall, it just felt meh. And yes, meh is a feeling.
I'm hoping that this year is better. Not just for me, but for everyone. The world. I know that's a stretch, but I want to it to happen. Even the assholes. Maybe they won't be such assholes. I dunno. Here's hoping! But as for me, I want to improve my mental health. Self care is going to be a big goal for me this year. I feel better than I have before in the past 2 years, and I can sense a change in myself. I want to do things for myself. I have a drive to do things that i haven't done in quite some time. I'm excited to see what I'll be able to accomplish and keep climbing out of the darkness. I'm ready. Depression is something that I don't normally talk about here, but it is something that I'll talk about in person. I've always been open about my struggles, even when I didn't know exactly what was wrong. After being diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and informally with depression, I was able to sit down and recognize the issues that I have been dealing with and what I can do the change my situation.I find that I let myself get extremely overwhelmed too often which caused me to get frustrated and then i just shut down. It hasn't been a great time. I make up excuses to everything and anyone as to why I can't do something. It's a shitty thing to do, and I'm not proud of myself for doing it, but it was what my brain would allow me to do. I've been in this tug of war with my psyche and it been utter shit and I can't do it anymore. It's physically and mentally exhausting. I'm saying all of this for any sort of sympathy, but to bring awareness that this does happen, and that you can and will breath again. It will be OKAY. Please reach out, even if it's for just for information, and don't let anyone tell you that you don't need help. That's what happened to me. I had to swallow my issues for YEARS because of one person, and I hope to live to see the day that no one has to suffer from other people's ignorance. The stigma that still hovers over mental illness is ludicrous. It makes no sense. but of course, if you admit defeat, you're weak. And that's bullshit. You are strong. You are amazing. And you are worth it.
Now I realize that this post took a left turn at Albuquerque and didn't look back, but I'm leaving it this way. Because 2016 and 2017 were fucking dumpster fires.
MIDDY OUT.
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